Tuesday, 25 August 2015


Obviously we all get 'mummy guilt', on different levels and to different degrees but either way it can be all consuming. If you're not yet a mummy, prepare yourself for an irrational but repetitive 'parrot like' monster that sits on your shoulder and slowly burrows into your brain, that follows you around all day errrrr day. And night too! 

I thought it might be interesting and cathartic to document some of my worries and fears, not for validation but kind of like therapy. I guess I'm hoping we can support each other through our issues while having a little giggle along the way.

The guilt surfaces at the weirdest of times.

Theo has not yet been signed up to a nursery. He'll be two in November and I'm still no closer to even viewing nurseries or pre-schools. I don't want him to go. EVER. Not even to school, I don't want him to move out, I want him to sit with me forever and wipe away the dribble from my chin when I'm old and grey.

I've noticed that I feel guilty whenever he isn't with me. He can be in the most capable of hands, family that have raised multiple children, my husband, my dad, my mum, grandparents, and I always feel terrible. Like I can't deal with the idea of him being away from me, as if children should only be with their mum's. It's ridiculous, I know this, but I can't help it! I trust all those that look after Theo wholeheartedly but for some reason, I can't shake my issues!

All decisions thus far have been made selfishly. Of course, it's great for him to interact with other human beings, family members and friends that love him dearly but he's never even slept over night at my mum and dad's. Not because they don't want him, they always offer, and not because I don't need a date night out with the husband. I do!! But I just can't seem to prise myself away from him.

When we go out to parks, softplays, any environment that may contain numerous amounts of people and children I worry about him leaving my side to go and play with the fear that he may get hurt. Or that another child may do something to him that I could have prevented! My poor best friend may invite me out for a coffee date at the local soft play, time for us adults to chat about our woes and I'm screaming across from the twirly tunnel that leads to the multi-coloured ball pit. I know he's still young and he does need supervision but I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, no pun intended.

It'll be coming up to bedtime and I'm counting down the seconds because I'm knackered and the minute his head hits the pillow and his eyes close, I worry that I didn't do enough for him that day. Did I talk to him enough or play with him? Does he have the right toys and is he being stimulated in the right way? The thoughts are endless, but what I need to remind myself is that Theo is a happy, intelligent and loved little boy! As mum's we're all doing our absolute best, even though our best may not feel good enough sometimes.

I constantly feel guilty that I haven't fed him enough fruit/vegetables/dairy/protein. Anything food related and I can become a quibbling mess under the table! The poor kid can't move for being so full and I'm shoving another chunk of perfectly spiced avocado down his throat. I rarely give him things that are considered 'bad' for him but for whatever reason, I'm judging my standards based on the parrot/monster's expectations.

Sometimes I feel guilty that he's in his own bed, tucked up, happy and comfortable but alone. Well how can I be in here with my bed companion (hubby of course) and he's in there, all on his Jack Jones? So I'll creep in, grab the poor kid out from his warm, squidgy pit and dump him in our bed, confined to the space 'in between us'. Theo doesn't even make it to his own bed on occasions, I'll bath him and put him in my bed ready for a snuggle with mummy whenever I need it.

What I take away from all of this is that my issues with leaving Theo probably run deeper. My family and friends will tell you that I hate being on my own. He is my best friend, my confidant, a piece of me that I never want to 'misplace' and as a tear runs down my cheek, I often realise that I mustn't project these thoughts and feelings onto him. That despite how I may feel, I'm going to have to bite the bullet and let him go to play dates, parties, sleep overs and bloody school. 
I've looked into home schooling and I've realised that I no longer remember how to do BODMAS, that they've changed how you add stuff together, I never read Jane Austen and that I don't have enough funding for a bunsen burner.

What are your feelings about guilt? When do you feel at your worst? In a morbidly curious way, I'd love to know. I guess, to make me feel that little less crazy!

Please leave comments below or tweet me!

Bye for now x

Sunday, 23 August 2015


I'll be honest, I love a beauty product or two, some would say I'm addicted but recently my feelings and expectations have taken a sharp turn. 

I've always had sensitive skin. Once, when I was 14, I made a face mask from a Frube and within minutes I looked nothing shy of hideous. I'll be frank - I resembled the elephant man.
So gentle has always been on my list, something I can never forget, but since becoming a vegetarian and attempting to head down the natural route instead of formulated medicine, I want different ingredients in the products I choose to use.
I'm not perfect, I buy MAC, L'oreal and a lot of other brands that don't have the teeniest of creatures best interests in mind but I'm nervous about chemicals.

I've recently been using coconut oil as a base beauty product, my 'go to gal'. I use it to remove my makeup, as an overnight conditioner for my hair and slap layers on my skin, body and face, day and night. Usually not under makeup I might add, my skin is shiny enough as it is.

I hit up the local Lush shop in Bournemouth and was met by an extremely attentive, super keen lady to give me all the advice I needed. I like foam but apparently foam is created by a certain type of chemical that cannot be replicated naturally. So for me, foam is now a no no!

She showed me 'Ultrabland', their most gentle facial cleanser. It's main ingredients are almond oil, rose water and beeswax and it kills two birds with one stone. Not only does it cleanse away oil and dirt, it leaves a soft residue that acts like a moisturiser. I tend not to bother with moisturiser much on a daily basis, other than coconut oil, as my skin produces tonnes and tonnes of oil all by itself but this is enough to make my skin feel soft as well as clean.

Here's what the experts say:

"Based on an ancient Greek formula for cold cream, Ultrabland is beautifully simple and very effective. Made with almond oil, rose water, beeswax and honey, this cleanser removes all traces of dirt and makeup, without stripping away your skin's natural defences."

At £11.50 per 100g, it is a little pricey but for me, totally worth it's weight in gold! Although it advises you use generous amounts, little appears to go along way.

The second product to tickle my pickle was 'Tea Tree Water' Toner. The mantra 'it does what it says on the tin' has never rung truer! It's main ingredients are tea tree water, grapefruit water and juniperberry water so extremely simple but not without it's medicinal qualities. It's considered to be  antibacterial, antiseptic and antimicrobial which is perfect for my oily and somewhat spot prone skin. Our relationship is like an old romance movie, I've loved it since the day I set eyes on it!

The experts say:

"Keep skin clear and refreshed. Tea tree is antibacterial, antifungal and antimicrobial, so can help keep away the bacteria that can cause spots. Grapefruit is rich in vitamins and is also lightly astringent on the skin, whilst juniperberry is antiseptic and helps keep skin clean and clear."

At £7.95 per 250g, I'm one happy bunny. It has a spritz top so I really feel it keeps wastage to a minimum! Two big, fat thumbs up!

So all in all, I'm in a great, natural and extremely clean place. 

I'd love to know your own thoughts on these products or any others you may have tried that you really couldn't live without.

Please comment below, tweet or email me and SHARE THE POST WITH YOUR BUDDIES!

Bye for now.

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