I've always wanted to be a mum. Some would say, a little too much! I had my feelings, opinions and ideals of who I would be and how I would take care of my children. But everyone knows (when you become an actual parent) that you're previous view points are about as helpful as Captain Hook's second glove.

The day Theo was born was the day I met 'Mummy'! Initially, the heart-racing fear and worry consumed me and being one hundred percent honest with everyone, I was struggling to rationalise it. I would regularly check that he was breathing, poke him rigorously if for a second I thought he wasn't and cry at every opportunity. Those that know me will understand that it just didn't seem right, I knew it wasn't me but I was concerned that this may be my entire future!

I was drowned in hygiene issues. Doesn't that sound like I need a seriously good scrub? Quite the contrary. I was so aware of germs; each baby group pained me as there is no shortness of dribble and in that dribble are thousands of giant, life threatening diseases that would have absolutely caused my baby maximum harm. Maybe even death. That is how I felt every time a child had a good old suck on a toy then Theo tried to grab it! I'd jump in front of him as if shielding him from some metaphorical bullet.

5 a day was my bible as opposed to a guideline. I would weigh and puree the exact amount of fruit and veg that he needed and it was important that Theo ate everything put in front of him. No jars, no sugar, no processed food. I still believe that this is the sensible way to bring up your children but sometimes, you gotta let it go. Give 'em a biscuit, bag of crisps, chocolate. They will be okay!

Time has been a major factor in the 'needed' change from neurotic to nonchalant. Routine slips, Mikado's creep in and dummies are shared and finally, I'm alright with that. In fact, I embrace it.
I am now the mum that let's him go off and play, that let's him swig out of another's drink (someone he knows of course, I'm not that chilled), that gives him chocolate or ice cream and doesn't wince at the thought of him sharing toys.

After spending my entire life and pregnancy cringing at mum/baby kissing photos, judging those that have their bubba's in bed with them and not comprehending the need for attachment parenting, my ways have now been completely swayed. I am my biggest contradiction, a hypocrite in the best sense, if you will. Theo shares my bed, I cuddle him to sleep, I snog his blummin' face off (daily), I carried him every where. I am in no way what I thought I would be as a parent but that is okay. I'm well chuffed that I do things differently to how I imagined because it means I love every second of it. Don't let others tell you what's right, don't have your ideals set in stone until you've had your baby and be open-minded. It'll make you such a better mum, or dad of course!

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