WHAT NOT TO SAY TO A MUM OF ONE

13:04

Parenting is not always a stand alone journey. You usually have a partner, some family, maybe friends, a tribe if you will, all cheering you on in your pursuit of survival. 



However, sometimes we want to make decisions like Tom Hanks in Castaway. Alone.

As I am the aforementioned, mum of one, I thought I'd share with you some things people do yet maybe shouldn't say.


  1. "You wait until you have another."

It's as if we are not allowed to be grateful that our child sleeps through the night, eats broccoli and utters minimal obscenities. If we've had one 'easy' kid, fate must be coming for us the next time around. People say it when you go through phases like crawling or walking, weaning or transitioning to a side-less bed. They like to point out naivety or project misery in the hope it makes them feel better! I may have another kid that's easy. I'M SORRY!


      2. "When do you plan to have another?"


I appreciate that this question is often said with interest and innocence as opposed to insensitivity but we have to remember that I may already be trying. It may not be happening and I'm desperately wanting one. And I may not want to talk about it. I might just want the one, and that is okay too. Pause and wait for the announcement on Facebook.



     3. "Honestly, you won't understand until you have more than one."


Pushing a baby out of my hoohoo always me the privilege of calling myself a mother. I've done the sleepless nights, wiping snot when you didn't think there was any more snot to wipe, changed nappies, cleaned puree off the ceiling. I understand, trust me. And just because I don't spin more than one baby plate at any given time doesn't mean I don't get it. In fact, I live with a giant man child so stick that in your pipe and smoke it.


    4. "You're so lucky you've only got one."


I am lucky. Very lucky to have had the chance to give birth, to carry a baby to term and for him to arrive healthy and well. If you are under any illusion that I sit around all day watching TV, getting to eat my food without mini sausage fingers trying to pinch every last crumb then let me set the record straight. I have felt the fear and worry of a poorly child, the child who wants to play every game and read every book 1500000 times over, refused the lovingly cooked meal, shat in his pants, cried because he wants me to stay, been kicked in the kidneys more often than not when trying to catch 40 winks. There should be no confusion between one and none, I have a child.


    5. "It's so hard with ... kids."


I don't doubt that having more than one mini dictator shouting requests at you 24/7 is hard but so is being a permanent jester. Before anyone hollas abuse at me, I am not comparing babysitting to parenting, but I love having my best friends kids over. Theo is so happy to be with them and they truly entertain each other. Yes okay, I don't have to do that every day I know but if I ever have the fortune in having another I am so excited for him to have someone to share his happiness and memories with and someone else for me to love just as hard. 




The world can be an overly sensitive place and I am all for breaking some of those barriers down, but I also think there is a lot to be said for thinking of others. If you find yourself heading towards a dodgy question, dig deep and tell that mum how well she's doing and how gorgeous her little bundle is. You'll come off unscathed and her day made.

Mums to one... what would you add to this list?

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